I Love You, Mother!!

Mom and Dad had finally arrived in St. George to spend the winter.  I was so excited to be back from China and living in the same country so that we could spend some long-awaited time together.  It had been at least three years since we were able to do that.  

When Donn and I visited mom and dad in Wyoming in September, I could see that mom's health wasn't great.  She had lost a tremendous amount of weight.  I was worried that maybe daddy wasn't feeding her enough good food, so as soon as they were in St. George, I arranged to have meals brought in several times a week.  I was feeding them Sunday and Tuesday; Brittany was feeding them Mondays; Stone Cliff Ward RS was feeding them on Wednesday; Eliza was feeding them on Thursdays; and Karla was taking them out to a late lunch on Friday.  Dad's only day to prepare a meal was Saturday.  It was such a blessing to do this for them and everyone was enjoying the opportunity to provide service.  On Sunday mornings, I would go over and style mom's hair and get her ready for church.  She could only make Sacrament Meeting before her back ached too badly to sit any longer, but she was still super excited to partake of the sacrament.

Mom was losing her memory and Dad was struggling with his blood pressure so I would often have her come to my house so I could watch her while dad ran his errands and went to the doctor. I was having an Activity Day for the Primary girls so mom come over to my house on November 5 to help me prepare for the girls.  We made little favors called "Turkey Toes."  She had to concentrate so hard as she sorted the candy by colors.  She was able to help me for about an hour and then she was hurting so badly that I had to have her go lay on the couch.  She was so worried because her sweetie had been gone for such a long time and she really wanted him to come back.  It was so sweet to see how much she loved and cared about her eternal companion.

I first took mom for a checkup with Dr. Chamberlain on November 4.  I couldn't get her to give me an urine sample, so I took the bottle home and put dad up to the task of doing the collection.  He was finally able to get a sample on Saturday (Nov. 7)  At Sunday dinner on November 8, I had never seen mom in such good spirits.  She literally skipped around my great room.  It was fun to see her so happy.  We received a called from the doctor's office the next morning that they needed another sample, so I took her down again on Monday afternoon.  Tuesday morning dad called me around 9 am and told me that mom wasn't feeling well, and he was taking her to the Emergency Room.  I went over and drove them to the hospital.  When I asked mom what was the matter, she said "I just don't feel right.  Something is wrong with me on the inside."  After a chest X-ray, a MRI brain scan (from which we learned that she had suffered a slight stroke and that was part of the reason her memory had gone so quickly), and a CT abdominal scan, they checked her into the hospital.  They found a large mass from the CT scan and decided that on Wednesday they would do a biopsy.  This scan was done without contrast because they had diagnosed that her kidney was shutting down and this would have caused more damage to it.  Mom spent three days in the hospital and was released on November 13.  On Sunday (November 15), my cousin, Tiffany, husband called me, and told me that mom had a softball-size cancer mass in her right kidney as well as a baseball-sized cancer mass in her liver.  We still had not received the results from the biopsy and were told it had been sent back East. 

On Tuesday, November 17, Brittany and I went over to see mom (grandma).  Her right leg was so swollen. we were both immediately worried.  Because Dr. Chamberalin is Tom's uncle, Brittany sent a picture of grandma's leg to him.  He had us come in so that he could look at her.  I scheduled a sonogram for Wednesday and another MRI for Thursday.  Karla and I were taking mom to lunch after the sonogram, and so we learned together that every major vein in mom's right leg had a blood clot in it.  The technician immediately had them call the doctor, and she was admitted back into the hospital on November 18.  By Friday morning Lori and Dean had arrived, and we scheduled an appointment to talk with the urologist.  It was at that time that he told us that mom had Stage 4 cancer in her right kidney that had metastasized into her liver and bones.  The mass in her kidney measured 15 cm (5.9").  The mass in her stomach was 8 cm (3.15").  The mass in her liver was 16 cm (6.3").  Her condition was terminal and there really wasn't a treatment that could do anything more than possibly postpone her death for a short period of time.  It was at this point that we decided that all we could do for her is to give her the best care possible and try to manage the pain.  I was sitting by her side when they brought in the DNR note for her bracelet.  It devastated me, but I knew that this was what mom would have wanted.  

We were so excited that Nicona and Aunt Madalyn were able to drive up to visit mom one last time.  She also had a chance to FaceTime her sisters, Colleen and Shirley.  Lisa was on her way, and I promised her that mom would be there when she arrived.  I am so glad that she held on and waited for her sweet daughter to arrive.  I spent the nights sleeping at the hospital because it was easier to be there than to lay in bed and wonder if I would get the call to come back immediately.  So I stayed with mom.

Styling mother's hair!!

Sunday morning when Dr. Chamberlain visited, we got his permission to take mom on a field trip.  I had talked with Brittany, and we had decided that we were going to take some family pictures at 2:30 p.m.  We got mom all showered, styled and dressed and in her wheelchair.  She lasted for about one minute and couldn't stand the pain.  So we got her back into her bed, left her with Karla and went to my house for Sunday dinner.  We figured we would attempt again in a couple of hours.  We came back to the hospital to two angels (mom and Karla) singing songs together.  Mom was so happy and seemed to be pain-free.  
 
We got her back into the wheelchair and headed out for the photo shoot.  We made it to the waiting room on the same floor and Brittany was able to take some beautiful pictures.  These are so precious as they are the final pictures of our family together.

So Happy Together

My mom and her daughters (Kathy, Lisa, & Lori)

Four generations of beautiful girls (Alyvia Stucki age 9)

That night as I sat next to mom at the hospital, I realized that she wasn't going to get better, but I still couldn't wrap my head around the fact that she had cancer.  But we all wanted to make every last moment memorable so we sang songs and just poured out our love for her.  

Grandma talking to Jeffrey through FaceTime.

 
On Monday, November 23, mom was released from the hospital.  We had decided that we would put her into a long-term care facility (Red Cliffs Health and Rehab Center).  We decorated her room with a nice chair for daddy and some pictures of her family.  Daddy wanted to take care of her, but there was no way that he would have been able to do that.  We would do her feeding, etc. until after Lisa and Lori left to return home and then Hospice would come in for her daily care.  It was hard to believe how quickly she had deteriorated in ten days. 

Lisa and Lori spent the night with her on Tuesday, and I was spent Wednesday night with her.  Lisa and Doug's plans were to leave early Thursday morning because Doug had to work on Friday at midnight.  Lori and Dean ordered pizzas and we sat around and celebrated the love we shared as a family.  At about 8:30 p.m. Lisa, Doug and Dad decided that they needed to head home.  Dad gave mom a kiss good night and I saw her reach out her hand to him.  It was the first movement I had seen that evening.  She had mostly just been resting.  Lori and Dean walked out to the facility lobby, and I sat next to mom and held her hand.  Parker was sitting on a cot in the room doing homework.  

Mom's breathing was very labored and different than before.  For about five minutes I just sat next to her telling her how much I loved her, but that if she felt like she needed to go home, that we would understand and it would be okay.  With each of her breaths I held mine as I waited for her to take another breath.  It is hard to describe, but there seemed to be more and more time between each breath.  Then she just stopped breathing.  I gently called "mom".  Then louder "Mom! Mom, are you okay?", but there was nothing.  She had peacefully passed away. (9pm)  I called to Parker and said, please go get your mom.  He ran to the lobby and returned with his parents.  Dean called Dad and they hadn't even made it to his house which was only 8 minutes from the care center.  After we all had a chance to say our goodbyes, we called the nurse and they pronounced her dead at 9:47 pm.  I am so grateful that I had the last two weeks to spend time with my beloved mother.  She was the joy and light of my life and I miss her.